The Chains That Bind Me

Well. Yesterday I got the chain tattoos on my wrists. I'm still somewhat amazed that I did it, but very glad that I did.

Not the highest quality picture and the color is tweaked beyond reality, but you get the point.

So why did I decide to get them? Well. The answer isn't straight forward. I didn't get them for looks, or for attention, or even because I like tattoos. The main reasons I got them: they are a symbol, and they mark a need for change.

Symbols are powerful. They can convey incredible amounts of information and evoke very basic emotions. For me, these chains symbolize a great many things. In Bioshock, they convey the chains that bind the character, and player's will. To me, each chain is a single word. "A man chooses. A slave obeys." Although these words are powerful, they are not the primary symbolic meaning. They mark the chains that I work every day to maintain, and simultaneously break. Through sheer willpower I keep myself together. "Strength through fire", another of my mottos. The chains bind me. The chains keep me in one piece. They keep me in check.

At the same time, I wish to change. Desperately. I want to become a man that a woman can call their boyfriend, or lover, or husband. A man that someone can be proud of and feel safe and comfortable when around me. Personally, I think I possess these traits already. Unfortunately others cannot see that. At least not initially. I have been doing various things to change, but it never seems to be enough. Maybe the new ink will be another step in the right direction. One can hope.

The week before going under the needle I was asked by told by multiple people "Make sure you will want the tattoos in 20 years." This is great advice, but impossible in practice. Nobody knows who they will be in 20 years. Or even in 5. Things always change. My reply to these statements, "I can't possibly answer that. What I can tell you is that I need to change, and these tattoos are a step in the right direction." People seem to understand that this is the truth.

Now I have chains on my wrists, and I like them. They are cool, nerdy, simple, and not too obtrusive.

Yesterday I changed my appearance effectively forever. Maybe that means that today I am a slightly different person. Again. One can hope.